"Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been and look ahead to what would be. Other days, now days, days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves for growing up. "
--

A Farewell

Well alotta nice things has happened in the past few weeks whether it was body surfing at Baybeats, looking around in Chinatown but yeah didn't manage to have the time to really sit down & blog about it. Had a house & life to pack away into boxes yea. It has been a hectic few weeks but yeah.. Anyway.. well my account of my last night in Singapore yea : )

Well in the afternoon went out to Canele again with Zhen Rhong, the ice cream/sorbet was really nice XD You can find them at Paragon basement yea : )

Well we went to Brewerkz to grab some seats. The food for me, was well haha I couldn't actually even finish it yea. It was a much cooler place then I had envisioned. Plus we got the table by the pool table yea. Well the dinner was fast I have to say, but yeah my only regret for the dinner was that I couldn't be everywhere at once. I was actually with most of the people that would be going for Timbre after, I would have hung out more with the rest who wouldn't be joining later if I knew. But yeah hey it was nice : )

After the dinner, felt kinda void.. well yeah anyway went to the train to see some of them off. Tried to think of a meaningful & nice way to say goodbye but my mind just drew blanks though.
Left the redline... drained as I typed farewell to those on the train yea...
Thomas raised a good point on how it was fascinating that people like us met.. like I was from the other side of the world.. Maybe there is meaning to this..?

Well finally made my way to Timbre after sorta settling something to meet with the rest : )
We went there and they got me a Flaming Tower , some kind of variant of the Burning Waterfall yea lol. It wasn't strong per se.. but that was hot as in like almost boiling water hot plus it was uber sweet too. Yeah finished that & then Ivan, Zf, Bobo saluted me with two rounds of shots :) Kamikazes yea hahah! Cheers!
Plus they requested a nice song for me.. and the band playing that night made fun of Canada XD
A nice surprise was that they played Slam Dunk's theme song! : )
My fave moment? I guess it was during the set was when they played Dani California, and yeah it awesome.. even though the Kster outing became the unhappening for me.. But it was great seeing into the eyes of the friends that I had made throughout the stay in Singapore and have 1 last song to sing tgt. It was awesomeness :)

Yeah we took some pix, 1 last Abdul pose for now and went our way back home yea. Went to Han Ming's place to crash for awhile before the morning came with only one intention, take me away. Plus special thanks to : N178 & N233 for lovely scrapbook & the touching CD ;), Han Ming & e rest for the awesome watch, Theodora for the cute renditions of the SIDM family, Guitar for your card & showing up on a night where there were at least 25+ ppl that you did not know, Anna's rendition of me if I was not Chinese lol, Cynthia for the very bittersweet scrapbook that tracked the life I had here & Ivan for the digital photoframe(I love it:))..( I'm still waiting for Zhi Feng.. you owe me a time machine hahah XD))

I did not expect such a great turnout as so many came, I was very touched and it was the grandest farewell that I gotten. (my last farewell was at a KFC haha) But yeah it was nice seeing most of the friends I had made throughout my stay in Sg to come together tonight with absolutely no drama and everyone being nice with everyone. It felt great seeing every1 happy tgt. It made me didn't feel very sad which was good yea. Yeah and the truth is I know I may have treated the night like some other event.. The truth? I couldn't let the slightest move in my heart because I know I would have cracked there and then. I know I would probably would flooded Brewerkz :)During the moment before the sun came up, I wanted to fight it. But I just settled down. It was unevitable & I at least had to be happy that I had met everyone in Sg. And in case i didn't get to say to you all or show it, thank you for showing up. I won't surrender this night to time yea : )

There are places I'll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends i still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life i've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When i think of love as something new
Though i know i'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know i'll often stop and think about them
In my life i love you more

Though i know i'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know i'll often stop and think about them
In my life i love you more
In my life i love you more

BIG BONUS?:
Next section.. well a cheesy & sorta unedited look into the farewell speech that didnt happen because well things aren't like the movies yea.Anyway here!(Pics? I put a link to the album to whoever want them at photo album section of my blog lol.

The Hard Goodbye Redux: Same Song on Infinite Replay
"The friends who grew up with you deserve a special respect. The ones who stuck by you shoulder to shoulder, in a time where nothing was certain, all life lay ahead, and every road led home.

Well hey ... the night I was pretty much dreading the whole year has finally come I guess.

I'll start with something a friend wrote to me that had such a profound effect on me

"I'm so scared of everything. I'm scared of how things will turn out when I'm gone. We may say our friendship will last forever. And I do believe our friendship is strong and will never fail because neither one of us will allow it to, but we have no control over the distance that stands between us. It scares me knowing that you are going to be laughing and smiling with someone else other than me. And what scares me the most is that someone is going to take my space as your best friend. I can't bare the thought that when I'm sad and crying, someone else is going to be here wiping my tears from my face. I know a time is going to come soon when we have to part, but I ask myself why can't it be later and not now. Our lives are going to change once we part, and I fear that so much."

He said farewell basically to our friendship, that it was the end of things.

This whole year, I was fighting with an absolute truth that was kind of sad,
this year would be the closest I would ever be every one in my life.
There would never come another time in my life where every week I can just look up Ivan to get my ass kicked in pool, see & chat through a movie with Hazel, sing emo songs with Zhi Feng, or just plain have nice chat at a small place with Cyn or Han Ming yea. That part of my life has come to pass, and I know with great regret that it will probably never return.
There's a saying between my high school friends who leave home:
"You can never return home"
Basically.. my hometown will always be there but my lifestyle here stays here.

You don't know how much of a loser I feel right now.. Not the kind that stays home & wish he knew Shawn but .. rather as in the life I know I part with tonight. All I really wanted was a hometown with close friends.. I had it and now here I am again. Han Ming said.. it isn't my problem if you guys started to drift apart... And it's true.. what can I do?

I know I'm not the 1st friend to leave you guys and I assure you that neither will I be the last. You know.. It's hard for me.. but I accept the fate that will be upon me. I mean what exactly do you do with a friend that isn't around for almost the whole year ? There really isn't much except leave him be in your memories(*cough, CheesY) I can accept that and can even let it past that maybe for some eventually I will be nothing more than a funny afterthought. Look, I'm saying all this not to make it all seem so glum and dark.

I have only one reason to let you guys know how this is a kind of end to things, but its a good one.

I really hope now that after all I said that you guys won't take any of what you guys have for granted. Maybe it takes someone to leave yea. I sorta envy you guys ;)
You guys are going to get to grow up together; some of you will shave your heads and go into NS tgt, others will meet the working world, and eventually watch each other get hitched. The thing is... I won't be part of most of that. And you won't know how good you guys have it until you really stand to lose it. It is that simple. I hope you guys will always be close :)

--Salutations to a town

to Guitar :), thanks for being one of the funnest friends I had. As I said, your life is so much more colorful than ours haha. We feel our lives are very boring haha whenever we get to talk.

Case in point, here's a dramatic scenario:
Us,
oh shit! he doesn't like him anymore because he... said blah-blah! oh shit oh shit! Cynthia help!!!

You,
F***, friend is back in jail after chasing the red dragon again.

That is just one example really, I mean we love to hear your horror stories from nursing( I hereby swear to make sure my nurse at TTSH is not Guitar) or how your knee had an intimate relationship with Ivan's nether regions. It is always fun being around you haha! And1 of my only friends in Sg that actually been to KK too. Cheers:)
When I left training, I was quite touched that you still contacted me & made time to see me off. Thanks and yeah hope everything goes well yea :)

to Cong Zheng, I know we dont get to talk much but yeah hey.. 1 of the consistently most funniest people in SIDM yea. Your brand of humor is the kind that might be banned or offensive to some, hahaha and we are very glad that we have a friend who plays the role of the Joker well yea. Forever poker face yea lol, alrites nice getting to know ya too dude:)

to Zhen Rhong, another old DET friend yea? Hey hope things go well for you. Hopefully IGN yea? 1 more of the more frank people in Sg to me. Yeah anyways, respect and hope you do well in Sg:)

to Ajay, wow haha we knew you as the parkour guy right? To Derek and Daryl, the guy who almost got them killed crossing the road hahaha :D Yeah thanks for having me at your place and it was good having a friend in the nearby vicinity yea:) Kick some ass Prashad!

to Jing Ru, heyy haha hmm not an OGL... but yeah hahah eventually a friend too yea :) Well sorry that most of our events usually on times that hmm not really good with ya cause of work. But yeah I know you would have wanted to go yea. Take care of yourself and Alvin too kay:D

to Ber, ah the wise one :D. Hmm yeah can always look to you if we want a serious and good look into things. Yes.. hey I know the class change must have been hard but yeah all of us miss having you around too:) So yeah you can always return yea? No worries and hope life goes well for ya yea :)

to Trudy , hey I know we always rag ya on the fact that air cond is not needed when you're around but yeah I know you're a nice person too. Sorry if I ever said the wrong things, anyway hey hope things go well hahah XD

to Vincent, yo hahah bro! haha one of the nicest person I met ever, really combined with your looks & easy to get along personality. The sky's the limit for you buddy, knowing you has been a funny n great time =)He's a nice down-to-Earth guy & yet he's also one of the most responsible person I know(4.0GPA?!?) He gets along with almost everyone and is usually on tho he stones alot too yea lols.He goes all-out for his friends, he went all the way to I forget where to help me with bills or else I would have ended up with huge fine lols.
Well there are quite a number of intresting stories involving him whether it's riding bikes painfully, or adventures on poles or sleep-rolling yea =) he's a great friend. Yeah well hey thanks for being a great friend, you have made coming into my own over here in Singapore so much easier & more fun as well, Godbless bro =)
Hey well we do miss you(SIDM).. Know you're busy and all, but hey hahaha once in awhile show up and hang out with them : )

to Guo Dong, dude =) I'll always remember you as the 1st DMD friend I had yea :)You're very level-headed person. Aside from me,Zhi Feng, Cyn, I have never seen anyone else in our SIDM clique like you in the way that you don't get angry at some1 no matter how bad we are at making fun of ya. We all do so because its harsh love haha, you're 1 of the most naturally funniest guy I know too yea haha, so hey after sch. Go to Vegas and play poker and start a career orites. All the best my man... I wish u the best ;)

to Jake, retard. Life is more fun when we have you around even though you don't have a limit to that mouth haha. I remember how we met at K-Pool, I didn't know you but you just came over and played a game. And yeah hey I'll always remember that. I miss the times when it was :
Ber, Guo Dong, Vin, Cyn, Clarence,ZF, Jing Long, Ivan, you & me going out together. It was a nice time yea? Well whereever you end up, make sure you have enough wax. Take care my friend:)

to Clarence, you're one of the more complicated friends ... sometimes I don't understand how to deal with your change in mood , sorry I know that doesn't sound nice but yea i know you could be a better person than that... in a way you remind me of an old friend from home, yeah ... sometimes I know the worlds not fair sometimes... and yeah things may get u down but I really hope that there always be good friends to pick you right back up yea... I mean its not the matter of how many times we fall but how many times we choose to get back up again yea :)
to Jing Long, haha I'd say your name in F language.. But then again... I hate that language haha. Hey the steady guy of SIDM yea? All the best to ya and it was nice knowing you man : )

to Ian, hahah hey I'm sorry didn't get to meet you up before leaving but yeah.. Hey we miss you too so hmm just hope you guys will work things out yea? Take care RHCP fanatic :)

to Thomas, hahah arghh .. one of my interesting friends yea. Hey, when I think of you.. I think a nice guy 1st yea. Then a caring friend, the fact that you liked guys was just an interesting twist to a already good enough person yea. We don't have to live by labels, screw em. All the best dude:)

to PC, to all the nay-sayers who put you down before. To them _|_ . I remember inviting you once for a SIDM bbq and some of them were worried cause supposedly you had alotta negative drama around you. What I believed was that. If I had not met the person, I would only judge them after I had actually met them yea. And you know what, you're a friendly guy yea :) Glad to know you a bit better yea before leaving : )

to Zhi feng , only got to know u recently this year.. but found out your 1 of the funniest friends I met hahah.. Its fun going out with you yea because you're always coming up with the most off the wall humour hahah :D Hahah that time at KFC when I was a bit glum that I was leaving Sg the next week, you made the atmosphere more cheeried with that dig about the time machine :D So yeah you can cheer up people, yes.. Kster when I get back dude:)

to Daryl, those who knew us old school in NYP . 1 of the 1st cross-class cliques was Ivan, me, Bobo & Daryl. It's a bit different now but glad we still have the same circle of friends yea. It's nice to see we are still close in the end despite how many things change.

to Derek, Bobo, haha 1 of the most nicer people I met. I remember there was one time when we were pissed at some of the people we knew. But I remember you taking the higher road and you tried giving us their POV. You didn't like backstabbing people. I always respected that about you. I know we love to make fun of you but it's only cause we know haha you're too much a nice person to do really do anything to us(with you size, you need only sit on us yea haha:)) Anyway 1 of the older friends at Sg, cheers and hope life goes well for ya:)

to Theo, haha yeah i know we don't get to talk much but yeah you were always patient and nice with me. So thanks for being open & yeah I know you'll do well in the world:)

to Joe & Ming Fang, hmm 1 of the oldest couples haha. You guys rock. We miss both of you guys too, I hope you guys will go out more wit them too. All the best to you guys yea :)

to Hobo? Nah Bnrandon(:D) I know we don't know each other for very long. But yeah hey thanks for being such a nice guy.. Only regret is that didn't get to know you and the "Epic" people earlier on yea : ) I know you were trying to make my nights at BayBeats a night to remember :) Hey yeah like I said, even if in the future brings silence between us for years. Just drop me a message if you ever come to Canada & I will look you up alrite. Cheers!

to John , hahah whatever goes for Hobo goes for you. A funny guy, and what an interesting mind you have. Kind of remind of me of the maniacal mad scientist archetype yea lol. I know we don't get to talk serious much but hey going out with you guys were fun. Alex too, wish we all knew each other sooner haha :)

to Anna.. you are by far one of the strongest person that I know I guess? Yeah and talented too :) Well hey you do have a winning personality and like I said, Annabellah Goh is going to graduate next year, the world doesn't stand a chance :) You rock and glad I got to know you too :)

to Ivan.... Last and not least... 1 of my oldest friends here in SG(literally too hehe). You know you're no longer my best friend in Singapore, but if i moved you would still be a best friend , you become a best friend in the world for me too.

In your life you meet people, some you never think about again, some you wonder what happened to them, there are some that you wonder if they ever think about you and then there are some you wish you never had to think about again… but you do. Ivan is in the group of people that I will remember and for all the good reasons too. I came to Singapore & didn't know much people at the time when I met you, my view of most Singaporeans at the time were that they were all impossibly-hard-to-impress & sleazy too since I was working in a bar for a year. But after i met you i could tell that I was never more wrong, that Hell it was very possible that I could be friends with ppl here, not only that but even best friends. You're the 1st solid friend I had here & thanks for that =)

Our friendship... is not like the rest... I mean we have other best friends too but we always still have each other's back .You know I remember at freshmen year, that every1 around us.. that they had like cliques instantly but I never forgot how it was really just us two going out for everything. I guess .. in general.. I think .. I guess for Poly life.. some of us were lucky enough to come in with a friend.. both for both of us.. I guess we knew that in our previous schools that we were less than the people we wanted to be. So we hoped in DET that things would be better. And yes we didnt find any chicks(in DET but DMD girls are hot :)!) but well at least I was lucky to find a best friend.. it was very simple, we all came in wanting friends & wanted to have a good life at poly and I feel im so lucky now that I met you & the rest. Its been so great since I came here. Thanks.. for being some1 so easy to go out with.. and also a fun person with usually same flow.

2nd thing.. yeah told you already.. Yeah.. I guess I'm sorry.. I remember talking bout the future , like how was NS and all. that. I regret that I can't be there with you now. I really thought we were going to live in Singapore but yeah it wasn't meant to be right? I hate that now when I want to get trashed in pool, you're not there. When there's a new chick flick, I can't call you out. I can't believe I won't get to live like this from now on.

Of all the friends I'm leaving behind, I'm worried about you the most.. I know there will be a void in your life for awhile.. My advice is.. if there is.. go out with them Ivan, they are such nice & beautiful people. If there's any kind of lesson I wished to let you know is that you never realize the significant moments that happen in your life as they happen. Right now growing up with them.. that is the significant moment. I remember a time where you weren't sian and that you were happy to be with everyone. I know alot of shit went down but I hope you can feel happy for them again. I don't think looking cool or pride matters as much, the best you , that you can be is being happy buddy. This is your life now, make sure you don't take them for granted. I will see you again, that I am not worried about. The world is never that big okay. Thanks for being a best friend :)

---
One last thing, It's not another... its the end of things kinda talk... its the most important thing. I never got to say thank you guys that night for being my friends.. It means so much for a guy who came from small towns to make it here in Singapore where I knew no one, to leave now with such a nice circle of friends.It does make me happy on one side yea :) I feel very humbled when I saw you all came to see me off that night.

It does hurt... that I don't get to live with you guys anymore. You have to understand... you guys stand to lose a friend... can you imagine how I feel? A town? It's a very deep kind of burn but at the same time, an all too familiar feeling.
But yes, I know this is the end of a chapter in my life(oops). But it is not the end of us. If there's a kind of feeling now in you guys(wish I had said all this :P) that there really is something more important than the things you can work for. That feeling that friends really make your life? That feeling will be there tomorrow , it will be there after I leave. The sun still shines tomorrow even over in Canada too. Thank you guys for the life I always wanted. Farewell :)
--

I'm right now at KK.. and well just in a weird funk ... I guess you can say I'm in a rather strange point in my life at the moment. I left one hometown to return to another, now after this I will be returning to the West which is where I originally came from. In a way, it's a full circle of sorts for my life.. I guess you can say KK & Sg.. it was really like this long endless summer ( and I don't just mean the oh so very interesting weather) .. It just really felt.. fun I guess.. I'm leaving at September? Yeah .. Autumn.. right kind of feelings.. Feeling quite melancholic now. When I think of Autumn... it's back to school, the end of a fun summer and you just basking in it's memories while coming to terms with the end of it as well. Someone around me once said " You can see the beauty of decay".. True.. . I realize now that I have no idea or grasp of the future as when I 1st came to Singapore, I would never guess I would be leaving. That thought kind of scares me haha. But yeah.. hey thanks to every1 in Singapore.No jokes, I will miss you guys, more than I ever write or say yea. I don't know what to say anymore... I hope to see you guys again soon, and I hope on that day that time & distance were just words. Thank you guys;)

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the girl
Leaves me down and lonely

Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't need me back
You're just the best I ever had

And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

What was it you wanted
Could it be I'm haunted

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
I don't want you back
You're just the best I ever had
The best I ever had
The best I ever