A Year 's Return

A Year Away
"The friends who grew up with you deserve a special respect. The ones who stuck by you shoulder to shoulder, in a time where nothing was certain, all life lay ahead, and every road led home."

Hey hey, well hmm its near the end of October already... Hmm well its past the 20th, went by & I didnt realise it... Yeah I cant believe I couldnt even remember it, well hmm I left home 3 years ago... It still feels a bit scary when I think about it, it's already been 3 years since I left KK. Hmm during the holidays, yeah I guess while things were getting better here, I really didnt get to hear much from any1 back home yea.. its already nearing the end of another year, finding out whether I'm going in a few weeks time. Not exactly peaceful , knowing that I'm going to have to restart everything halfway around the world & especially at my age... Well anyway, enough moping yea.

This post is about my 2nd trip back home which has been delayed since March. Posted it already on the other blog but decided it would be nice to have it ere since I couldnt get the pix up in the other one yea =) And yeah is a bit draggy & long but hmm I had to post it up yea =)
Alot of things happened since then but I always felt the trip was too important to pass. Well heres to those 8 years spent growing up, & to every1 from home too yea. Anyway,this is how my 2nd homecoming after a year went and how I just felt about it yea…



The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most
"There are other things we have to find before we find each other."

Hmm it's been a year since I was coming back home. Hmm last year’s return trip was really precious in a way to me… It was very much the fantasy-ish homecoming to see things will “always” be the same. I had high hopes for that trip yea & all my hopes for that trip had been met, and I knew that KK would “always” be my hometown… It was a bit naïve to think nothing would change yea but well at least it felt great to have hope in something real yea… It was great to see that moving away didnt mean the friendships I made were going to be wrecked... Anyway that was a year ago & well I honestly had no idea what to expect for this trip yea...

The feeling of this trip on the days just prior to the event was well in all honesty ... sad... I mean I wasn’t sad about going back home but I was actually sad about leaving Singapore ... And with that, I just knew how different this trip would be from my last one...

























In a way, I guess it could be counted as a victory of some kind... I mean I was sad of leaving, it had to mean that I did enjoy my life at S'pore... but I just wondered what kind of victory was it... and I was just scared too… I was scared that I had changed and KK would no longer feel like home again…

The day before I woke up around 7am as I just couldnt get any sleep, was it stress? Yeah, it could have been that. I was flying there by myself. I always hated travelling alone cause I tend to be prone to either getting mugged or losing my luggage yea. Well actually the trip from singapore over to JB wasnt that bad and I got there in about two hours...

At the airport I managed to get Dunkin Donuts =)… Well the last time I saw D.Donuts, was... well was back on last year’s homecoming when I came to the same airport ya… Neway got another Digi number & started SMSing ppl for awhile… well on the day I was flying back, the lot of them were getting the STPM results ya.

2 hours & 20 minutes… That was the amount of air time from JB to KK… The distance in time to get from where I was to my old hometown... I mean when I think about it, I havent seen my friends in a year & all it was to get back was 2 hours & 20 minutes...And yet it felt so much farther. I felt so far away at that that plane ride, it had been a long year....

Well boarded the plane & fell asleep soon cause I knew AirAsia is pretty cheap-ass, I knew no food gets served on flight, not even any bloody peanuts =P I took some pics whle on air yea =)


A dragon-ish looking river =)

Well hmm there was a moment before landing on KK, I looked out the window ( The window seat is always a must! =)) & saw the town below… It was dark so only the bright lights could be seen while the land was just black… If you looked down, it looked like you were watching a pitch-black sky full of stars, it really just a beautiful moment as I was coming back home…



When I landed, I had a rush of mixed feelings as I prepared to get off the plane, relief that I finally came back, sadness & confusion on my feelings pre-trip, fear to discover things have changed, and well joy that I was going to see the people & friends I grew up with once again…

Stay
You say I only hear what I want to.
You say I talk so all the time so.
And I thought what I felt was simple,
and I thought that I don't belong,
and now that I am leaving,
now I know that I did something wrong 'cause I missed you.
Yeah yeah, I missed you.

And you say I only hear what I want to:
I don't listen hard, don't pay attention to the distance
that you're running to anyone, anywhere,
I don't understand if you really care,
I'm only hearing negative: no, no, no.

So I turned the radio on, I turned the radio up,
and this woman was singing my song: lover's in love,
and the other's run away,
lover is crying 'cause the other won't stay.

Some of us hover when we weep for the other
who was dying since the day they were born.
Well, well, this is not that; I think that I'm throwing,
but I'm thrown.

And I thought I'd live forever, but now I'm not so sure.
You try to tell me that I'm clever, but that won't take me anyhow,
or anywhere with you.
You said that I was naive,
and I thought that I was strong.
I thought, "hey, I can leave, I can leave."
Oh, but now I know that I was wrong,
'cause I missed you. Yeah, I miss you.

You said, "I caught you 'cause I want you
and one day I'll let you go."
You try to give away a keeper,
or keep me 'cause you know you're just scared to lose.
And you say, "Stay."
And you say I only hear what I want to.


Life In A Glass House
"You start out life with a clean slate. Then you begin to make your mark. You face decisions, make choices. You keep moving forward. But sooner or later there comes a time where you look back over where you have been... and wonder who you really are. "

The moment I got out of the airplane I realized something. KK has its own smell =), I don’t mean like “Whoah, they should have covered the longkangs by now kinda smell” It just has its own smell that adds to the atmosphere of KK...I didnt notice it when I got back last year but maybe being away for some time made realize that there was that smell, the smell of home I guess =) Anyway besides my sense of smell being the 1st to be welcomed back home, my eyes saw a pretty big change in KK.

Well the 1st change in KK that hit me was AirAsia, WTH happened to AirAsia? In such quick time too lols. It was like a air force base last time (aka crap) but now it was all indoors and air-conditioned too =) So yeah, it was nice seeing that in a way =) Well my uncle picked me up and while on the car back, it was seeing all the Proton Wiras & when I saw KK town area when it really sunk in that I was really back in the place that I had spent those 8 years growing up at last.

I managed to see some of the new malls coming up(damn quick too, I reckon some of them will be done when I return the next trip). Went to Secret Recipe to try some cake & well see Warisan Plaza as well =) KK has changed a bit actually =)

After settling in and some unpacking, I started calling to make plans yea. Also well I had to find out their STPM results yea. I’m sure there's a sigh of relief for them yea. Hmm which btw, they did quite well but I realized just hard their STPM must have been, it probably would have wiped the floor with my face. I heard of some1 just failing everything, it shows how hard it must have been... And maybe, I’m sorta glad that I didnt go Form 6, I know I would have messed it up too ... The 1st night was a bit nervous as 2mr I would really start meeting every1 again yea.



Runaway Train
Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a slow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here no there

Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Everything is cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same


You Gotta Go There To Come Back
"Home sings me of sweet things"

1st few days I guess was just living the KK life again yea... Well went eating with my uncle around town, I do think Singapore’s chicken rice is overrated as KK’s own is much better yea... And everyone who leaves KK, I’m sure we all miss the food too hahah =) Neway well I also forgot just how slow paced things were at KK.



You really felt like you had time to just relax and sit down with your friends and just let time pass without a care. Being back I remembered how easy it was to feel like you were living in KK again, it was nice and very homely. Hmm I also noticed around town that my generation was starting to get jobs. There were a lot more teenagers working now. It was so easy to see a familiar face around town. I guess that’s just another benefit of living in a small town yea =)



Hmm but KK was getting a whole load of new malls around town, by my next return alotta of dem would be up oredi yea. Hmm well around the 2nd day went to Damai to meet Su, Ang and David yea. It was great seeing them again. I haven’t really got to talk to Su since last year’s trip yea, so it was nice to catch up with them all. Hmm one nice surprise I didn’t really expect was Su and Ang were friends again... It just felt nice seeing them together as friends again. It just evoked the days of Form 3 when they were in a clique that called themselves “F4”... I remember talking with them bout the dumb name after around form 5 when we became friends… We sure came along way from then yea. Well a girl and some other issues caused a huge rift between them and after some time I thought they would never get over whatever drove them apart. These guys were childhood friends so it was really nice seeing them friendly again. I guess I really liked that they patched things up without me yea.


Ang & David~



Su with a goofy smile :)

Hmm on the side note, one dumb thing that I noticed ever since I came back was that it started raining in KK… It started on the night I came back, the first rain in weeks there and well for almost the whole trip it was rainy. Lame weather lols…

Well the 1st weekend I met up wid AeA who picked me up over at Damai(CX has three branches? Wth lols) and Sandra( it was great seeing her after a year too! =)) was there as well. AeA, I haven’t seen the guy in well since last year, yeah… he was one of the ones who really kept in touch with me whether it was important or crazy crap but yeah it was good to see him again. Hmm we went over to CPS & looked around. We even ran into Agnita by chance who was act leaving for KL; hmm it’s been a long time since I saw AeA but waaay longer since me, AeA & Agnita were together at one place. Hahaha I still remember how AeA gave her the police number & told her it was his, and she called them lols… I know I’m gonna spam this alot but yeah it’s been so long since then…


At CPS with Eboy & Sandra =)



Damai, the sky was damn beautiful

Well after looking around CPS they had to go off already yea. Later on met up with Nadia =) After I left Singapore, I still maintained a pretty gud friendship with her. Hmm o yeah, she got good STPM results =) I have to admit that I didn’t expect her to get such great results considering that she isn’t really the studying-type lols. Neways after lunch, we finally had our pool match hahah =).

Well it felt great to be back in KK and at familiar places with some old friends yeah =) KK, CPS & all its movie outings, pool, bowling or just another lunch at that rm2.80 chicken rice shop downstairs…Yeah, I know it doesn’t sound like the most happening life but Hell, I know I enjoyed those times & I’m sure they did too. Chan,Su,Ang & AeA… Yeah, I missed hanging out with them. Those were simple times. I mean you knew who you were, and back den we were just friends who had just finished SPM with had loads of free time on our hands... Yea its sad tat we're now all separated by distance with Chan being in Melaka & me over at S’pore... The sad truth is that we'll never get to go out like that on a weekly basis... I know that chapter of life has passed... and I know I will always cherish it dearly.

Breakfast at Tiffany's
You say that we've got nothing in common
No common ground to start from
And we're falling apart
You'll say the world has come between us
Our lives have come between us
But I know you just don't care

And I said what about "Breakfast at Tiffany's?
She said, "I think I remember the film,
And as I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it."
And I said, "Well, that's the one thing we've got."

I see you - the only one who knew me
And now your eyes see through me
I guess I was wrong
So what now? It's plain to see we're over,
And I hate when things are over -
When so much is left undone

And I said what about "Breakfast at Tiffany's?
She said, "I think I remember the film,
And as I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it."
And I said, "Well, that's the one thing we've got."

You say that we've got nothing in common
No common ground to start from
And we're falling apart
You'll say the world has come between us
Our lives have come between us
But I know you just don't care

And I said what about "Breakfast at Tiffany's?
She said, "I think I remember the film,
And as I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it."
And I said, "Well, that's the one thing we've got."

Hanging By A Moment
"As happens sometimes a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment. And then the moment was gone"

Hmm around the next few days, we started planning for a trip of some sort like Karumbunai last year. Also got to meet Jennet with Ang and David and saw 300 yea =) It was nice seeing JLo too since we managed to keep in touch since I left yeah =) Hmm also actually planned a K-Box outing but that was killed too in the end lols, since alotta people couldn’t make it. Su was vouching for the idea but next time we’ll make it happen yea. Hmm neway he picked me up & went to see Kenneth too yea. Also we picked up an old friend, Evan too yea.

Evan Phua, a friend I haven’t seen in a long time but yeah we go way back actually. Before I was friends with AeA, Chan and even F4, though not alotta ppl know nowadays, we were pretty close last time. I know this is bad but we just had a Hell of a fun time joking bout F4 lols, there’s alotta funny stories & history with him & Lionel, Jeremy & Engeland. Whether it was Weldon Bison or how a perverted drawing of “mango head” somehow managed to get a “B”, or even a guy who we made fun of until almost the whole class got called into the discipline master room and I was No.1 on his SOB list lols, fun times… Yeah, well the last trip it just seemed things had become so far apart so when I came back this time, I called him up to meet up yea. Evidently, he was the same old friend that I remembered. Hmm though yeah maybe after all the new circle of friends since the Ricecracker gang, it was great to know that I could meet him up when I had the chance yea.



Well neway, we went on to Wisma & met up with Arthur. He looks different with long hair lols & I remember seeing him in his photos in Form 6, thinking the class clown had become a good boy to some extent but I was wrong about that lols. Well we had lunch b4 splitting up & driving over to Jesselton Point yea.

Hey through my 8 years of living at KK, I never actually went to JP. It's a beautiful place and real quiet yea =) No milo dinosaurs but ordered a bunch of Pisang Goreng which I haven’t ate or seen for quite some time yea. Hmm it was nice relaxing there and it just seemed that the world was going at a much slower pace there. You really feel you have the whole day to spend with your friends yeah. After all the hecticness of Singapore life it was nice being back home & getting to really wind down yea =)





Hanging By A Moment
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now...

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you....

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

Just hanging by a moment (here with you)
Hanging by a moment (here with you)
Hanging by a moment here with you


Everyday Is A Sunday Evening
“Most of our life is a series of images. They pass us by like towns on the highway. But sometimes a moment stuns us as it happens. And we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image. We know that this moment, every part of it, will live on forever.”

Around now we all decided that we would be going over to Kevin's hse over at Melinsung . It seemed like a gud idea at the time yea . We had only two transport tho and we were all working with limited funds. Actually was wondering if I should come back for this trip since I was broke but hmm I had free time & Hell if I didn't make the most of it yea~

The next day got to meet up with Nadia again, hmm had to help her parents wid something yea. Neway her family was sweet and well pretty close yea =) It was nice meeting them and well actually when Nadia told me her dad's office was at Kingfisher area, a thought streaked through my mind, I thought, wouldn't it just be great for this trip if I go down memory lane and see MN or SRS? Well when we were leaving, I was looking around but didn't recognize the area at all. So I thought it must have been somewhere else. But then I saw through some gates & saw the familiar blue & black uniforms. My first thought was when did MN move to another area, I literally could not recognize the area, I mean the place changed so so much! Okay, granted this is coming from a guy who hadn't gone there since what... form 2? But yeah, it was a really shocking experience for me.. I was used to seeing places change but this; there was no "Okay-we're remodeling now; see us in a few months & we'll be upgraded” phase. It was just "YatZee! Lo & Behold!" The last time I saw it, there were only houses here & MN & SRS...

Hmm but yeah, anyway it was nice for this trip that I got to see my old primary school where I had met my 1st friends in Asia yea, I'll never forget thinking that Malaysia was jungle before coming or being so glad to make friends there. 1st day after school I remember I was looking at a dictionary for the words "lah" and "bah" lols... SRS was just a great time for me yeah, and I'm sure when they went to MN, they had the same bonds. Yeah, not being able to go onto MN with friends that I made in M'sia ; having to restart and go into a government school, it just turned out to be the catalyst that made me hate All Saints. I look back on it and realized how dumb that was, it was why I didn’t go into Form 6 All Saints when I could have ( If I did, I most likely wouldn't have left KK) But I'm glad how my Secondary School life went, I'm sure all my primary school mates are doing alright, they really the ones who are scattered around the globe but yeah it's nice to see they're still close yeah =)



Neway back to the present, well we went over to Karumunsing for lunch yea. We got to take a load of pics there too. I’m glad that Nadia & me were still chummy & friends after SPM yeah lols. It was really nice meeting up with her b4 she departs for Uni, and hope she gets to go whereever she wants, but yeah she has good results so hahah Im sure she will =) It's nice keeping in contact with her. She had alotta drama pass her life & I'm glad to know she was doing fine here & was happy yea. Neway yeah I know she's going to prove to all anyone who doubted her that she's going to live a great life. Prepare to be amazed =)











Well went on to meet some friends over at Lintas for a drink. Lintas hadn’t changed much yea. Neway later on went to Secret Recipe with Seow and Ang. It was nice of him to meet up considering he is closer with my brother but anyway he was doing fine at KK yea. Even heard Rajpal was in the same school with him lols. Well we talked for an hour waiting for Sandra & Mandy hahah. We pretty much finished dinner by the time they arrived but yeah it was nice seeing Mandy after a year actually. When I 1st came to Singapore it was her and AeA,Nadia, Jennet & Sandra who made me feel that no matter how far I was from KK, my past was real and KK would always be a part of me. I always liked how it was easy to talk with her yea, and after a year of MSN, it was nice meeting her yea. Neway it was a nice night, nothing big but it was a nice & simple dinner yea.



I have to be honest the first few days I was stuck of this feeling of dread, there were some moments where I felt. “Yeah, that’s why I left this place” that stigma was stuck with me until well around this time of the trip. I just felt swept away by all those feelings that I had while I was still in KK, good and bad. Around now at the trip, I remembered how nice it was to be able to meet up with the people who I grew up with along the years. I remember the first few days being back home, were like this is why I wanted to leave KK so badly in the 1st place…Like some of the shitty attitude of some people who no matter how much time pass, they seem to be the same yea … Yeah of course I didn’t think it was great that how I felt about being back home after a year.. I mean it was a year since I left… I should feel more thankful for another chance to hang out with my friends. And yeah, around this time of the trip I realized I was realizing that yeah I would eventually go back to my state of mind at Singapore… but I realized coming back to KK should never be a hard thing to do & I really did start to enjoy being around my friends in KK.

Well I know we all love going back home, but visiting your old hometown is tough sometimes. It's horrible to see your hometown in a certain stasis, to see that it's exactly as it always was. … However something even worse is to see your hometown start to change, I think. The place you grew up in begins to become unfamiliar & different than what you lived through as a kid all those years. Sure KK hasnt changed to the point where I cant recognise anything but there always be that day yea...Then there's that old adage, "you can never go home again." cause everytime you leave its never the same once you come back...

Neways I was finally starting to enjoy my 2nd trip back to KK with this day yea. I had about a week left before I was going back but now I felt like there so much to do & so little time yea =)

100 Years
I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind
I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy, Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
Half time goes by
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...
I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you’re on your way
Every day's a new day...
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

Lightning Crashes
“There seems to be a kind of order in the universe…in the movement of the stars and the turning of the Earth and the changing of the seasons. But human life is almost pure chaos. Everyone takes his stance, asserts his own right and feelings, mistaking the motives of others, and his own. "

Well hmm well my last trip back to KK, Karumbunai had a few huge problems but this Melinsung trip had a few of its own yea…

Well all was pretty much planned for the Melinsung trip… The original plan had us going there & then the next day having a BBQ , it would have been pretty nice except no one had anticipated the weather to be bad, yeah I know I said it was raining almost the whole week since I came back, but the day before Melinsung had good weather. We didn't think it would be an issue but when it rained, it poured yea. It rained till it flooded which led to Su not being able to pick us up. Now we had a problem since Su was ½ of the transport so now we had to find another transport. Now every1 had a reason to be pissed since that place at Melinsung was a friend’s place & we did a no show which sucked. In the end, with lack of transport & all of us pissed at each other for reasons ; we decided to nix the whole Melinsung idea & just stay a night at some hotel at KK. So lame hahah.




I like this pic, feels very disorientating, like ur 1/2 in the air and on the ground

Well we dropped Ang off & drove off to meet Alex Fung, it was nice seeing him after awhile too yea, but hahah I remember that we met him for a dumb reason, he could have just called us & told us what he needed to tell us but yeah neway it was nice seeing him again yea. =)

Well we went to go find a hotel to stay over yea =) It was night and raining and we needed a place to stay over. We drove around town looking for hotels for about an hour with AeA's credit company’s “government rate” constantly failing us lols. We finally went to king park hotel yea =)
Well the rest went off to Damai while me & Eboy went to go see a movie with Mandy & her sister yea :) We saw MrBean which was alrite I guess but not a movie that I'll watch a 2nd time yea. Neway it was always nice going out with them again of course yea :)


Funny pic & stupid moment here lols

Went back to the hotel after that & well Arthur joined us. Hmm well there was a pretty good reason why too but hmm I’ll just keep that to myself yea…That night, we played some Indian Poker and got pretty drunk(most of us except 1 heheh) after about 25 beers and a bottle of red before finally going to sleep around 3 I think.


Finding a solution to the world's worries at the bottom of a glass yea =)

Hmm well I thought alot that night, I guess this is probably the sequel of sorts to last year trip's problem. Last year's mishap nearly cost me one of my best friend, Su's friendship. This trip I realised there was an end of a longstanding friendship though. While it was great to see that Su & Ang were on good terms, I realized how broken some friendships became ... Hmm well truthfully it might have started since last year's trip or hmm maybe even after SPM... Well for this trip, things between them were pretty bad & now it came to the point where I had avoid the other just to go out... It just seems the tension between them is so huge, things just seemed tense when they were both around, like they both wanted some reason to be angry at one another... It felt like I was betraying the other when I went out with one of them. Also I didn’t like how some friends treated one of these two friends, they seemed so double-faced and were only nice when they needed to be.

The sad thing was that things weren’t always like that between them. They used to be close. Yeah, I said this earlier about the whole CPS thingy but yeah of course it was more then just that. I think every person fortunate enough to have friends grace their lives has at least one "golden era" of friendship where it was you and were friends and the future really didn't matter at the moment. For me, I guess it was back at the last few months of Form 5 with AeA, Chan, Su & Ang. Back then, they could joke among each other & really laugh at what they were joking about. It was really one of the most easiest & best times of my life. Of course, we thought it would never really end.

And I guess that could have been what tore some of us apart too, maybe the fact that we thought we were always going to be like that meant that we never had to work to keep our friendship afloat. Maybe we just started taking it for granted that we were going to be able to work it out. I didn’t really go & try to salvage this friendship between them... Hmm the fact is that they're both in the same school now, they have a chance to meet up or try to make amends. And if they really can't be friends anymore, that the world's burden finally caught up with them & put an end between their friendship, if it means that we might never be as close as before together, then I guess I have to accept that too...

I guess growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think I knew it was time to let go of what had been and look ahead to what would be. Other days, now days, days to come. The thing is we didn't have to hate each other for getting older and farther apart. We just had to forgive ourselves for growing up. Maybe I just have to live with the fact that not everything last forevers and that I would just have to accept that... Maybe they'll never be friends again and yeah that’s sad considering they're both good people, but maybe that’s just part & parcel of growing up; you lose some of the best friends/people in your life along the way...



Movies
At slow speed we all seem focused
In motion we seem wrong
In summer we can taste the rain
I want you to be free
Don't worry about me
And just like the movies
We play out our last scene
Two can play this game
We both want power
In winter we can taste the pain
In our short years,
we come long way
To treat it bad and throw away

I want you to be free
Don't worry about me
And just like the movies
We play out our last scene
You won't cry, I won't scream

In our short years we come long way
To treat it bad and throw away
And if we make a little space
A science fiction showcase
In our short film, a love disgrace
Dream a scene to brighten face

In our short years we come long way
To treat it bad, just to throw it away


The Heart Brings You Back
"Whats In The Past Stays In The Past"

The next morning most of us awoke with a nasty hangover yea.


Zzz


I was still a bit woozy in the morning, I remember this.. I went into the closet & just stood in for around 5 seconds lols

Well after getting our heads cleared up,we checked out & then had breakfast. After that,drove over to Wisma to cash out whatever I had left to use yea.

On a sidenote, I also noticed there were just 1 or 2 SugarBuns left, before I left they were expanding like wild fire and to come back to see that how gone it is , it’s a bit funny lols

With free time I finally played a long awaited match of pool against Eboy.Waited a year to trump his ass & nearly won in a very-much controversial "sabah vs singapore match" I had to tell him "welcome to singapore " . Later Alex joined us & whupped both our asses in the end yea

After that realised there was a scratch on the rental car we took & alot of us used the car so we don't know which one of us had the car & caused it. In the end, we split the pay of the cost to "fix it" =)


KK :)

After that we went to pick up Su at his place, who was talking with some1 from Singapore who actually saw me working at Balaclava before lols. What a small world eh? After his long call, we went to go get the food for the BBQ all over the town yea.

Hmm towards the end of this week.. I realised just where i stood in my frends lives... It felt good to know that we were still that close after a year of absensce...

Save Tonight
Go on and close the curtains
cause all we need is candle light
You and me and a bottle of wine
going to hold you tonight
Well we know I'm going away
and how I wish, I wish it weren't so
So take this wine and drink with me
let's delay our misery

Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone

Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone

There's a log on the fire
and it burns like me for you
Tomorrow comes with one desire
to take me away it's true
It ain't easy to say goodbye
darling please don't start to cry
Cause girl you know I've got to go, oh
Lord I wish it wasn't so

Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone

Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone

Tomorrow comes to take me away
I wish that I, that I could stay
Girl you know I've got to go, oh
Lord I wish it wasn't so

Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone

Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone

Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone

Save tonight
and fight the break of dawn
Come tomorrow
tomorrow I'll be gone
tomorrow I'll be gone
tomorrow I'll be gone
tomorrow I'll be gone
tomorrow I'll be gone

Save tonight
Save tonight
Save tonight
Save tonight


Spirit In The Night
"We didn't really accomplish anything that night. Nothing of any real importance, anyway. But through the many years that lay ahead, there would be a thousand other nights, just like that one ... Stupid, ridiculous, and glorious."

After that with all our BBQ food ready we went over to Kevin's house for the bbq at his hse, I dont remember who but one of them shared with us a "revolutionary secret about BBQ and hot dogs" He told me to put the hotdogs in the bread & you will get full fast... Zzz ... lols I was like "owh okay?"

Anyway lots of familar faces showed up soon enough yea.After makan most of them went over to Damai to DOTA. Su, Eboy & me didnt play DOTA anymore(No offense to all the DOTA nuts but the game feels so0o0o stale mwahaha) so anyway we decided to find something else to do that night yea ...


Poor dog lols

We went to go see a movie, and tho yeah it felt like I was sneaking away from them. But I think me & AeA just wanted to get away from that negative energy & the tension for just awhile yea and go have dinner. Well we picked up Mandy & Sandra yea... Hahah Sandra couldn't find her phone or something so we were outside her house for like ten minutes lols =) I remember Mandy calling for her at the door, it was funny lols. Well the car still had the stink of carrying the sotong from the BBQ so it was a open window car drive lols =)

Hmm well we drove on to to have dinner by the cinema yea. Anyway they found they were having dinner with Su. Hmm the last guy of f4 they never really met and well last Karumbunai trip... They sorta 1st talked with him yea.

This is pretty much copy & paste from another post but one thing about Su that I will always respect about him is how he will never give up on a friend... Around the madness of all the new people of form 6 with our old people from All Saints of Form 5. A good friend of Su went into form 6 and well everyone seemed to turn on him, it seemed like he had fallen out with some of his closest friends who had supported him through Form 1-5. I knew about the whole mess but wasnt in Form 6 so couldnt help much, but Su... He went to bat for him like a true friend to the end, I remember sitting at Palm Square with him and him being genuinely angry for his friend ...Yeah sure, was his friend well right or wrong to be desserted? Well thats not the point yea, Su stuck by his friend till the end expecially when the chips were down. It's not easy to find a friend like that & yeah Su's a great friend, that I know time wont change things between us much yea =)

Well after the movie, we drove around town to AeA's area of expertise: Kampung Air? Saw some chickens, it might have been the 1st time the girls really saw the hmm night safari at KK yea lols. Well it was a funny drive back yea lols... After driving around town we went back to send them home yea. Got to take got some pics at Mandy's hse before saying goodbyes ..

I knew I was going to miss them, seeing how they would be leavin off for university, it would really be awhile until we would be able to meet up again yea... I was really glad I got to meet up with Mandy & Sandra for the return back home... Both of them were still the same caring & bubbly people that I remembered, it was good to see that after a year's abscensce yea.Hmm yeah, I never did school with them & so yeah they were one of the 1st friends that I grew close with without seeing them everyday in school yea. And yeah glad to have met them, they're both nice people; the world doesnt stand a chance against them yea =)

My fave pic from the whole trip =) I keep it on my handphone wallpaper to this day to remind myself where I came from ( yeah pretty cheesy idea lols)because its not the places that I'll miss most but the friends yea;)

We Got Tonight
I know its late, I know you're weary
I know your plans dont include me
Still here we are, both of us lonely
Longing for shelter from all that we see
Why should we worry, no one will care girl
Look at the stars so far away
Weve got tonight, who needs tomorrow?
Weve got tonight babe
Why don t we stay?

Deep in my soul, Ive been so lonely
All of my hopes, fading away
Ive longed for love, like everyone else does
I know Ill keep searching, after today
So there it is girl, Ive got it all now
And here we are babe, what do you say?
Weve got tonight, who needs tomorrow?
Weve got tonight babe
Why dont we stay?

I know its late, I know youre weary
I know your plans dont include me
Still here we are, both of us lonely
Both of us lonely

Weve got tonight, who needs tomorrow?
Lets make it last, lets find a way
Turn off the light, come take my hand now
Weve got tonight babe
Why dont we stay?
Weve got tonight babe
Why dont we stay?

The Leaving Song
Where is the good in goodbye? Every parting is a form of death, as every reunion is a type of heaven
Well we went back home and some of them were pissed that we watched a movie without them, plus we came back a bit late and they had to wait for us. Most of them were sleeping.. at nite, I was resting when I realised something hairy was next to me. I turned on my phone light to see and saw the dog jumped on the bed and was sleeping lols. So cute hahahas =)

In the morning, drove over to Damai to have lunch with Su and talked about well the year ahead ... Afterwards we said our goodbyes but yea it wasnt so emotional as last time where we both were sad cause I was leaving, this time we both knew the we were going to see each other again & we didnt have to worry about it =)

Well on the last day went over to Wawasan, with that I managed to go to all the malls of KK during my return. Hmmm on my last trip Wawasan Plaza was the last mall before heading back, same for this trip lols... Anyway got to catch lunch with Jennet. Talked for awhile before she had to go back to work but yeah it was nice catching up with her too before leaving yea =)

Jlo! Great seeing her 1 last time before going back lols =)

After that Eboy came & went for 2nd lunch lols at the same place that I was with Su just the day before too. Hmm of course Im glad I got to see him 1 last time before who knows when... I really wished... how my friends in Kk could come over to Singapore & meet the people here... It's like the impossible dream but I know they would have been happy to see I was doing alright here yea =)

The kancil driver finally graduates=)I like that both us were in this pic via the reflection=)

AeA hmm, it was great seeing him again after all these months to find that we were still good friends, that reassurance ... Really there's nothing like that in the world, to come back & find things are still alright, to find that you can still be friends with the people you grew up with...Hmm I remember that as we were preparing to part, I started to try & sum up just how important this friendship had meant to me & even more when I left KK like last year as he got in the car... But yeah in the end I just came up with a simple goodbye. In my heart I didnt know when I was going to see him or the rest again but again I wasn't the bit worried or sad, I knew there was hope, AeA knew it too, A goodbye isn't painful unless you're never going to say hello again. Maybe that’s why I didn’t feel so bad this time around as I left KK. We knew the better truth yea =)

On my way back home , I got followed by this old guy in his 40s? who tried to rob me... bt yea right, came too far to be punked by someone's lame dad... so when he put my headphones down, I pushed him off and got into a store... he didnt came in so I guess he ran... hahah i guess some things never change here lols....

Well anyways... On the last night... I thought alot about what I really wanted for my future.. I came up with blanks.... by 2mr night... I would be back to just sms & msning with them... It was sad & bittersweet to be reminded how nice my friends were & having to depart from them once again... It was late so I tried forgetting it and getting some sleep.. I ended up "forgeting it all night "

That night on the bed, I just put the whole world behind me. I wanted to stay there, in that night. More than anything I wanted before. But I knew I couldn't. I was 20. I slept under a roof my father owned, in a bed my father bought. Nothing was mine. Except my heart. And my fears. And my growing knowledge...that not every road was going to lead home, anymore...

With all the confusion of my last day, the only true absolute truth was that I was going to miss my friends in KK .


Leaving KK~


Seeing my old house from here?


Land below the winds, my home


Leaving ...


...

Gone

I know this is going to sound a bit creepy & possibly borderlining on what AeA would say "sissy or pussy:P" but yeah I was teary the other night at the hotel... Maybe it was the alcohol but I was sad not only how I could feel the way I did before the trip but also that for awhile I just stopped caring about KK.. But what saddened me the most was that eventually when I return back to Singapore I know I will be back in the same mindset again...
3 years since we left KK...
Some days its easier then the others, sometimes I dont think about place at all the whole day & other days its all I can think about...

Goodbye yesterday, now it's over and done. Still I hoped somewhere deep in your heart, yesterday will live on.

As I look back on all that's happened--growing up, growing together, changing you, changing me...there were times when we dreamed together, when we laughed and cried together. As I look back on those days, I realize how much I truly miss my friends and how much I truly care for you guys. The past may be gone forever...and whatever the future holds, our todays make the memories of tomorrow. So, my lifetime friends, it is with all my heart that I send you my hope & care, hoping that you'll always carry my smile with you, for all we have meant to each other and for whatever the future may hold.

Always on My Mind
Maybe I didn't treat you
Quite as good as I should have
Maybe I didn't love you
Quite as often as I could have
Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time

You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died
Give me, give me one more chance
To keep you satisfied, satisfied

Maybe I didn't hold you
All those lonely, lonely times
And I guess I never told you
I'm so happy that you're mine
If I make you feel second best
Girl, I'm sorry I was blind

You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died
Give me, give me one more chance
To keep you satisfied, satisfied

Little things I should have said and done
I just never took the time
You were always on my mind
You are always on my mind
You are always on my mind

I had this weird epihpany when I was taking the MRT back to Ang Mo kio that my life was going to end... I never felt like that before, it felt very real that something in me had died and that well I really felt hmm it was the end of the road... I dont mean that in some suicidal way...bt felt like... a character in some story with just no more story to be drawn from.. I mean with me being rejected from a course, plus I dont wanna contiune my course(this was all back in March lols).. I just dunno what to do anymore... I just feel its time in a way... I know this sounds baloney or some cheap way to invoke attention but it aint... its just I feel ... well if my life were to end... it just seemed... well ...
Hmm editor's note here, I think I realise now months after this .. Although I really didnt imagine it at the time, that feeling was probably about my life at KK had really come to end, and I finally found closure on it . That doesnt mean KK isnt home, it just means I no longer felt torn about certain things & felt I was betraying my friends in KK by enjoying myself here.

Happenstances
"Growing up happens in a heartbeat. One day you're in diapers; next day you're gone. But the memories of childhood stay with you for the long haul. I remember a place… a town, a house like a lot of other houses… a yard like a lot of other yards… a street like a lot of other streets. And the thing is… after all these years, I still look back… with wonder."

I saw the heartache coming. At least this time I wasn't oblivious to everything. I must be getting better at this....which is really sad.

There were times back in Singapore , I wanted to just forget about KK . I’m not sure if it was in my darkest moments when I thought that because I was happy living at Singapore at those times. It just felt all the long distance sometimes made me feel it was too hard so a pretty huge part of me just wanted to forget those 8 years growing up there. Hmm and I guess the funny thing is, that those 8 years were the best years of my life.

Let's face it, we've changed ... we've all changed. Somewhere between school ending and this moment, we've all gone our own directions. Hearts were broken, friendships diminished, new loves started and new people came into our lives. We no longer spend all our time together in our circle of friends, we no longer talk for hours about nothing at all. We've changed ... some for the better and some for the worse. Some of us are finding love while others are trying to let go. Even though we've changed, we all know that even though were all finding our own place in the world, that when we find out love, when we let go of a love, when the tears fall or the happy smile spreads across our face ... we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us and no matter what happens, nothing will ever change so much that we're not all best friends forever.

Invariably, people usually get dissapointed when they come face to face to with their hopes and dreams, with friends, wondering if time would change them. I mean everyone is human right?The image that you build up in your mind is often unachieveable. Well I placed my friends back home on a very high pedestal... After these 2 weeks... I can say that they had met the image I had built up and exceeded it... With that, I really want to say thanks to everyone back home for all the love and support through the year yea~

Home

I Love You Always Forever
Feels like, I'm standing in a timeless dream
Of light mists, of pale amber rose
Feels like, I'm lost in a deep cloud of heavenly scent
Touching, discovering you

Those days, of warm rains come rushing back to me
Miles of windless, summer night air
Secret moments, shared in the heat of the afternoon
Out of the stillness, soft spoken words

I love you, always forever
Near and far, closer together
Everywhere, I will be with you
Everyday, I will devour you
I love you, always forever
Near and far, closer together
Everywhere, I will be with you
Everyday, I will devour you

You've got, the most unbelievable
blue eyes I've ever seen
You've got, me almost melt away
As we lay there, under a blue sky
with pure white stars
Exotic sweetness, a magical time

Say you'll love, love me forever
Never stop, not for whatever
Near and far and always and
everywhere and everything

-== F I N ==-

PS I love this song.. its hmm the 1st song that made me love music .. Hmm which coincidentaly AeA has it on his radio lols...

The following stuff is something I found on the net but I thought it was pretty great stuff yea =) & I recognise alotta my friends in it yea =)

Six years ago we stepped into high school … individuals seeking to do well, to find our identity, to find our best friend. We opened our lockers for the first time, looked at our schedules, thought about how great it was to finally be in high school. Six years ago we met our best friend, we went to our first school dance, had a crush on a cute senior. Six years ago, we couldn't wait to get older.

Five years ago we stepped into high school believing that we owned the place. No longer the lowly freshman, we had a new attitude. Still individuals searching for themselves, looking to fit in, wanting to achieve something. We followed our daily routines, expanded our circle of friends, and talked about parties. Five years ago we made a new best friend, went to sweet sixteen's every weekend, thought we were too mature for school dances. Five years ago we couldn't wait to get older. Four years ago we became upper class man. We began to realize that we were growing up. We got our licenses, started driving out on weekends. We realized who our true friends were and cherished the times we spent with them. We found where we fit in, yet still seemed to be looking for something else.

Four years ago we started talking about college, thinking it was still so far away. We realized that time really does fly. But four years ago we still couldn't wait to get older.

Three years ago we entered the school as seniors. Everything we did was the last … our last homecoming pep rally, our last season in a sport, our last birthday at home. Three years ago we took our time together for granted, we went to party after party on the weekend, we rebelled, and we learned. Three years ago, we still had the same best friend and cherished time spent with them. We started applying to college, far and near. We got accepted, we got rejected, we found exactly where we wanted to go. We realized that we would no longer have the comfort of home within a year. Now, we finally realize that we could have waited to get older. We realize that time has somehow slipped away and soon we will be saying good-bye. Saying good-bye to our friends, our family, our home. Maybe for a short time … maybe forever. Soon we will go to our senior prom, graduate, sit for the last time with everyone. It is the last time we will all be together, recognized as the class of 2004.

Two years ago, now we are getting excited about starting over, getting sad about what we will leave behind, getting anxious to move on. Now we realize just how important our best friends are, how much fun we really did have in the four years. Now we wish we could be younger. We wish we could have taken the time to appreciate every moment … to slow down time. Now we face having to say good-bye. A year ago we returned as different people. We have experienced dorm life, ate campus food, met new friends. We became new people. We will still be searching for our identity … to find our niche. We will have picked majors, changed majors, passed and failed at things we tried. We will know more about ourselves and what we want to become. We will remember the past times and look fondly at the memories, although we will have created new memories. Yet one thing will still remain. In one year, we will still have that same best friend. Maybe since kindergarten, maybe since high school, maybe a college roommate. That person can be found in new friends and old. Without them, we would have nothing.

Four years brought change. Friendship held us strong when things were shaky, in good times and bad, in laughter and tears, through boyfriends/girlfriends, bad grades, family problems, and love … our friends showed us that life was worth enjoying. With them, we wanted to grow up so quickly. Now, they are the only ones with whom we will remain forever young. Maybe the time has gone, the faces, I recall. But things in this life change very slowly, if they ever change at all....The scary part being that we've all been hit with change lately, and it doesn't seem to have come slowly at all. Do you remember the day you left home? I'm sure that you do. But I'll bet that what you remember even more clearly were the days in the week before you left. You know......the days that you spent getting addresses, phone numbers, and email addresses and trying to figure out how to say good-bye to everyone and a town that you've loved for as long as you could remember. Do you remember standing by your best friend's car one night, after midnight, trying to sum up the meaning of a friendship you'd managed to maintain through thick and thin for years? Do you remember how hard that was, to think of how to say good-bye to that one person? It was nearly impossible, wasn't it, to give them that one last hug and turn around and walk inside? Stepping back to take one last look at that the friends you love--it's really scary. And you go and you tell yourself that you won't ever ever replace your old friends. Or how you'll never be this happy or sad again. It's really crazy,what kinds of things can happen when you don't mean for them to. You get to anew place full of strangers. You meet people who forget you. You forget people who you meet. But sometimes, you come across some extra ordinarily special people. They have tears to shed, too. They also left people that they love behind. They're still in love with that guy or girl back home where they used to live, and they all want someone to talk to. So you talk. Talk is good. You form bonds you never thought you'd form. You call your old friends and tell them about the new ones. Sometimes, they don't understand. Sometimes, you hurt their feelings. Sometimes everyone is a bit jealous. But we all miss our friends. Sometimes you think you've done the wrong thing by coming so far away from home. And sometimes when you start thinking like this, it's time to make a change. Then you start to wonder if you can still recall all the faces from your past. So, you pick up the phone and you call them all just to say, "You know, I'm doing fine here. I wish you would visit all of my friends and this place. They would love you. And you would love them." Because, after all this is life. And life is a growing experience.

Growing experiences cause change is hard. But whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. You learn a lot when you leave. You learn youreally can do things for yourself without your parents looking over your shoulder--but you also learn you never realized how nice it was to have them there, just in case. More than anything, you learn how much your friends really mean to you. New friends come to mean a lot to you, but they can never compare your friends from home. Your friends from home teach you the meaning of friendship during your college years. Because you are apart from them you tend to express your feelings more --- you learn how much these people truly affect your life.

You've got your best friend who exemplifies friendship-he messages you every week just to see how things are going. You feel like you never left home...he still knows everything about you, and even over the Internet can tell when something is wrong. He teaches you that distance doesn't have to change a friendship at all. Then there is your other best friend. He rarely calls or writes and he doesn't do the email thing. At times you think he has forgotten about you...until you hear from him. You hear from him for the first time in almost six months-and nothing has changed. You are still you and he is still him --even though you never talk you are as close as ever, you are still the best of friends. You find yourself expressing just how much you're going to miss him -- because you realize it now more than ever. He teaches you that true friends are friends in the soul...separation can never tear them apart.

Then there are those friends that you sort of lost touch with those last few months of high school and during the summer. You were busy, they were busy...but somehow, the magic of email has brought you closer together than you ever were in four years at the same school. You share secrets, heartache, and joy...it's another person who cares about you as long as you will care about them too. Away from all the pettiness of high school, the people that you thought for sure you would lose touch with in college are the ones you're keepin closest contact with--and you miss them more than you ever thought possible.

Sadly enough, there are also the friends that you were closest to in high school who drift too far for you to hold onto. You've both changed and suddenly you don't have much to say to each other. But these people teach you a lesson too they make you value the others, the ones you have stayed close to, that much more. These distant friends, though you miss them when you rarely think of them, show you who your forever friends really are-and they make you appreciate those forevers much more than before. Life is rough. Distance severs some bonds and solidifies others...it puts a distance between you and the ones you love. But it teaches you so much. It forces your real friends to come to the front, while the rest take their places in the shadows of your memories. In life you will lose some people -- but through real friendship -- you keep the ones you will need most in your life. You learn the real meaning of the quote: "If you press me to say why we were friends, I can say no more than it was because she was she and I was I." The people who fit that mold are your forever friends.

There's more... I know its long but... I just know that this has been one of the hardest year for me... It's strange you know, on one hand I feel Im really doing great here since I'm more settled in with the people & friends here but yet my relationship with KK has been ...
And yeah I know I said I thought something died as I left KK, but it maybe it was just the end of something simple & the begining of something far more complicated & beautiful. As it is now, it's getting better. And I really hope nothing in the world will change me or my friends so much that we wont matter to each other .

Labels: Happenstances

Where I End and You Begin 3:53 am