Crazy And Outrageuos #1

Here's my 1st post of Crazy & Outrageous on blogspot :)

Facts of Life
~Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
~A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
~A snail can sleep for three years.
~Butterflies taste with their feet.
~The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
~Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, but dogs only have about ten.
~An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
~All polar bears are left handed.
~On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
~You are more likely to be killed by a Champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.
~Mint is actually a small form of poison which is why your stomach will have a tingling sensation which is the poison's effect but it is not strong enough to kill, it can however kill your pets. (Yes!!! This is for those who love mint choc , mwahaha! )

A Greek LoveStory
Hmm found out something intresting about love yea.The Greek War God Ares had a son, Eros the God of Love. Well he had two brothers, Deimos & Phobos... Deimos , God of Dread & Phobos, God of Fear & Horror. So yeah hmm perhaps that's why love is so hard & messy right? =) Love & Pain go hand in hand I guess yea =X

Stupid Celebrity Quotes

"I can do anything you want me to do as long as I don't have to speak." Linda Evangelista "

Where's Austria?" David Hasselhoff, Baywatch star, when told he has five gold albums as a singer in Austria.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff." Mariah Carey

"I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." Miss Alabama at the 1994 Miss Universe pageant, when asked "If you could live forever, would you and why?"

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law." David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.

"The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe." Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and ex-mayor of Philadelphia

"I've always thought that under-populated countries in Africa are vastly under-polluted." Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explaining why we should export toxic wastes to Third World countries

"After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David Steele to the post." Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island

"The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing." Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series

"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." Jason Kidd, Dallas Mavericks

"China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese." Charles De Gaulle, former French President

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." Dan Quayle, U.S. Vice President

Batman Cape with warning, "WARNING CAPE DOES NOT ENABLE USER TO FLY"
Batman cant even fly to begin with.

Weird Stories~

Indian man 'gets high' on lizards
A man in northern India has told reporters that he eats lizards for the "ultimate high". Girdhari Lal searches the remote corners of his house for them every day.

The 50-year-old rickshaw puller, from the Punjab city of Amritsar, claims to be on a constant high. A drug addict since the age of 14, he says he took to eating lizards when opium and hashish failed to give him the kick he needed. Mr Lal told Asian News International:

"I tried all possible drugs but nothing satiated me. Then I tried different types of snakes. "However I found only the neck and tail portions worth eating. But I started yawning with that. That made me switch to lizards."

This is guy one sick piece of work lols

Police too sexy in thailand
Policemen in Thailand are being sexually harassed by women and gay men because of their tight uniforms.

Websites have been set up featuring pictures and advice on how to seduce officers.
An average of 400 complaints a month are being filed by policemen subjected to lewd calls from admirers. One high-ranking officer said the worst time for the calls is from midnight to 2am and he said about 60% are from men, reports The Nation.

He added: "If we talk to them for too long they ask us out, and the gay men always talk lewdly. We cut the line and call them back later to warn them not to disturb police on duty." Police chiefs say the uniforms might be contributing to the problem but officers just have to deal with it.

Weird bt somehow not surprising from the country that invented a new sex.

Stupid Robber
It wasn't hard for police to spot this would-be robber.
Upper Darby police said a man in a Tigger costume entered an A-Plus Sunoco on West Chester Pike at St. Laurence Road yesterday, and threw two coupons and a flashlight on the counter. One of the coupons had instructions written on it telling the clerk to hand over "$25,000 please," and stating "I have a bomb." The clerk ignored the robber, who eventually turned tail and left. Other people also reported the "Tigger" strolling the neighborhood and police later arrested a man identified only as Allen Hansell.


Funny Real Job Application Answers

QUALIFICATIONS: "Here are my qualifications for you to overlook." "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions." "Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience." "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse." "I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to my resumé on my office voice mail."

EXPERIENCE: "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job."

EDUCATION: "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades." "Finished eighth in my class of ten."

SPECIAL SKILLS: "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms." "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB: "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave." "Responsibility makes me nervous." "They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. I couldn't work under those demanding conditions." "Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as well as cockroaches." "I was working for my mom until she decided to move." "They made me a scapegoat - just like my three previous jobs." "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing."

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES: "While I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am disposed that it be so oriented as to partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured to lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility." "I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."

SPECIAL REQUESTS & JOB OBJECTIVES: "Please call me after 5:30. I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job." "My goal is to be a meteorologist. Since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage." "I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant." "It's best for employers that I not work with people." "You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time."

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES: "Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep."

PERSONAL INTERESTS: "Donating blood. 14 gallons so far." "Marital status: often. Children: various." "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."

SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING: "As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments." "I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience." "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year." "Education: College, August 1880-May 1984." "Experience: Dealing with customers' conflicts that arouse." "Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget." "I'm a rabid typist." "Instrumental in ruining an entire Midwest chain operation."

REFERENCES: "References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me."

Here are some real dumb advertisements in the newspaper ads

USED TOILET PPER FOR SALE

Turkey FOR SALE ; Partially eaten, Only 8 days old.

Used Tombstone ; perfect for someone named HendelBergenHeinzel. One only plz call me

FULL SIZE MATRESS Royal Tonic, like new . Slight urine smell $40

WANTED : Someone to go back in time with me. .This is not a joke POBOX Oakview CA93222. You'll get paid after we get back. Must bring your own weapons. Safety not guranteed. I have done this only once

Hahahahah the last one is the dumbest lols!

Labels: The Crazy And Outrageuos

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