How a Resurrection Really Feels

The other day I forgot to mention after one of the FOP services I was with some of them walking through Suntec City, it had been really 4-7 months since I came here. It looked so so different, the outside area changed all the furniture. I really was a bit astoudned by the changes yea.... Well I kind of tried to avoid Suntec these past few months(8-12?) because it was right next to Balaclava actually. It was the 1st place where I made friends in Singapore & yet I always avoid Suntec , I just cant really walk past it for reasons. Maybe it's the fact that I got sacked, but its not anger, I think everytime I pass it I remember how I was when I 1st came to Singapore & left KK. That 1st year was hard, but yeah Balaclava was great to me. I just dont have what it takes to show the gratitude I guess, and I know I'll always be a lesser person because of that yea.

Well during August every1 had 3 week project to do while I had 3 weeks of holiday which I dont remember doing much actually...



Around the month tho, I realised I had been drifting away from KK long enough, I lost contact with alot of people because life here has been pretty occupying... About NYE, well I decided in my heart that staying here would be the best thing since I might be leaving Singapore next year. I didn't even feel very guilty until I msged Su, 1 of my best friends. It was easy enough to make that decision of not coming back home alone but when I had to tell the people & friends I grew up with ; that was a whole different story. I felt like such a backstabbing rat & worthy of my email namesake as I typed in the words of my message to him. I hadn't contacted him in months but when I read his message, it really felt it was him through those words on the screen. And from him, I realised something I had never even thought about actually. Well everytime I left a hometown, I thought how hard it was for me to leave ... but you know it sure must be hard too to be left behind too yea. He told me alot of friends were going overseas after next year & if I really moved to Canada it would be even worse. When he told me after next year most of his friends he grew up with would all be leaving him, I just felt so guilty. I didn't want this, I wanted to say distance was a nonfactor in our friendships but these past few months had been hard. And now things have changed, I actually placed Singapore over KK this year & the worst thing is that I know I'm trying to do the right thing since I won't be returning to Singapore once I leave for years because I might have to skip NS...


This is the hard truth, has my ego really grown so big?Have I grown so far apart that I no longer feel a need to go back to my home? I remember thinking I don't want to disappoint my friends to come back & being changed but have I changed already without even noticing it? I knew I no longer felt the same about home anymore despite whatever efforts I put up. I don’t remember exactly when it happened , there was no sudden realization or shocking moment of clarity either. It just gradually secretly made its way into my heart.

I remember after my 2nd trip feeling like I was going to die because I somehow felt some phase ended & felt there was no more to add to that chapter. Now I realized after 4 months, maybe I was feeling that way about my KK life?

It's been a long year so far… But how did I get from leaving KK to this, not wanting to go back.. this is so far away. How did I come from all the way playing Mario Kart in the back of Oui & Ohm’s Thailand restaurant in Boston, from SRS to All Saints, how did I come from all that to here, right now? After reading Su’s msg, for the 1st time in months I thought seriously about KK. Its almost been 3 years since I moved here starting October. Was I really about to put my friends in KK under Singapore again? The truth is I actualy more simpler I guess, there is nothing to do with being a good or bad friend here but more on just a person who just have make a choice. I had to make one & that's all there is to it I guess, it would really be great if I could just be in two places at once so I could celebrate NYE at both places yea.
It would solve everything, I wouldn’t have this guilt either.

坐着我的摩托车 载你缓缓的离开
zuo zhao wo de mo tuo che zai ni huan huan de li kai
Gradually leaving with you on my motorcycle

考不上好的学校 可以不微笑就走
kao bu shang hao de xue xiao ke yi bu wei xiao jiu zou
Without a smile I departed my dream school

把手慢慢交给我 放下心中的困惑
ba shou man man jiao gei wo fang xia xin zhong de kun huo
Calm your heart and rest your hands in mine

雨点从两旁划过 割开两种精神的我
yu dian cong liang pang hua guo ge kai liang zhong jing shen de wo
Raindrops slid down and split apart my mind

经过老伯的家 篮框变得好高
jing guo lao bo de jia lan kuang bian de hao gao
The hoop seemed so high as we passed the old man's house

爬过的那棵树 又何时变得渺小
pa guo de na ke shu you he shi bian de miao xiao
And when did the tree I once climbed on become so small

这样也好 开始没人注意到（你）我
zhe yang ye hao kai shi mei ren zhu yi dao( ni) wo
Maybe it’s still well because no one saw you and me

等雨变强之前 我们将会分化软弱
deng yu bian qiang zhi qian wo men jiang hui fen hua ruan ruo
Before this rain strengthens we will show our vulnerabilities

趁时间没发觉 让我带着你离开
chen shi jian mei fa jue rang wo dai zhao ni li kai
Let me take you away before time notices us

没有了证明 没有了空虚
mei you le zheng ming mei you le kong xu
Without a proof and without acting pretentious

基于两种立场我会罩着你
ji yu liang zhong li chang wo hui zhao zhao ni
I will back you up regardless of the circumstances

趁时间没发觉 让我带着你离开
chen shi jian mei fa jue rang wo dai zhao ni li kai
Let me take you away before time notices us

这不是顽固 这不是逃避
zhe bu shi wan gu zhe bu shi tao bi
This is not stubbornness and its not running away

没人帮着你走才快乐
mei ren bang zhao ni zou cai kuai le
When no one helps you walk you will feel true joy

Hmm well alot of friends from KK were starting to leave home. Sandra left for Kl, as many of the rest had to go too. It was actually nice catching up with her before she left home.

Neway helped out for a SIDM event at Suntec yea, although there were a few problems with the event, I thought the event was pretty kick ass & got to see loads of stuff yea.


Hmm looking at the wrong camera in this pic lols


Vincent & a Cosplayer yea, hahah she said she looked fat in this pic


SIDM! Roar!!!

Labels: Useless Rants

Where I End and You Begin 12:46 am